


everloving

by Marcia Elena (marciaelena)



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Episode: s08e021 Existence, Episode: s09e19-20 The Truth, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 02:03:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14415264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marciaelena/pseuds/Marcia%20Elena
Summary: Mulder speaks. Is Alex listening?





	everloving

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 8th Lyric Wheel, the 'Endings Wheel', April 2002. 
> 
> This story was fueled in part by the rumored spoilers about the X-Files finale. A HUGE thank you to Pollyanna for the lyrics.

You can feel him. 

He creeps in on you, graceful and silent, and immediately there's a shiver traveling up your spine, telling you he's here. You've been attuned to him since the very beginning, and nothing, _nothing_ can ever change that. You know you'll find him if you turn around. But you don't, because you know it's what he wants.

Is he smiling, there, behind you? Or is his face devoid of expression, reflecting the look he saw on yours before he died?

It hurts to have your own cruelty thrown back at you. But then, everything between you was always darkened by pain; there's no reason for things to be different now, is there? No reason at all. Neither him nor you could ever whisper an apology. 

You loved. He betrayed, and you hated. You pointed guns, threw punches, traded insults. You tasted sweat and come, marked one another's flesh, shed each other's blood. You fucking _maimed_ each other, body and soul. And for all that, you never cried any tears. 

He'd been the one to spun the web. Did he realize he'd end up caught in it with you? He paralyzed you with desire, hypnotized you with his gaze. Yet his poisonous kiss somehow seeped into his own veins, and he became lost right alongside you. 

_Speak to me, Alex. Are you here to take me with you?_ You want to go; you need to feel his touch again, even if it's no longer warm. _Please._

Is it weakness to admit that you miss him? Not only his touch, but his scent. The familiarity of it still clings to your brain, and you're relieved to know he wasn't fouled by decay, that there wasn't a body to bury. You sometimes wonder if he faded into thin air, like your sister; then you laugh, aware that there wasn't any innocence left in him. But as the laughter subsides, you sober up. And you shudder. 

You're shuddering now. His non-breath is at the nape of your neck, and you're waiting for him to say your name. He knows you'll leave everyone and everything for him; all he has to do is call you, once, and you'll follow. 

_Call to me now. Say my name. Do it!_

He doesn't. You heave a long, long sigh. It's an old game you play, both of you pulling at each other until you tire and meet in the middle. And you _are_ tired; bone-weary and filled with longing. You don't think you can do this any longer. You miss his voice most of all. 

Yes, you _can_ hear him; you hear the silence of his cold heart, the loudness of the words he never told you. In death as in life, he's a contradiction, a rainbow in shades of gray. 

Or is it shades of green? You remember light spilling from his eyes and making him shine with something brighter than mere life. But you're colorblind, you could never really grasp it.

_Let me see you, Alex. I need to look at you. Because it's what you want._

You turn around, but he's already gone. He's like a star on a foggy morning, you think he's near, and he's far away. For the moment, at least, your meeting has drawn to a close. 

It doesn't matter; you know you'll talk again, soon. This thing between you, it's meant to be. 

You will never be free of each other.

He is your penance. 

You are his Hell.

**Author's Note:**

> Love is Pleasing  
> England.  
> (Tune collected from Somerset) 
> 
>  
> 
> When I was young I was well beloved  
> By all the young men in this country.  
> When I was young, love, and in full blossom,  
> A false young man came a-courting me. 
> 
> Chorus:  
> O love it is pleasing, and love is teasing,  
> And love is a treasure when first it's new.  
> But when it grows older it waxes colder,  
> And fades away like the morning dew. 
> 
> I left my father, I left my mother,  
> I left my brothers and sisters, too.  
> I left my home and my kind relations  
> I left them all for the love of you. 
> 
> Chorus:  
> O love it is pleasing, and love is teasing,  
> And love is a treasure when first it's new.  
> But when it grows older it waxes colder,  
> And fades away like the morning dew. 
> 
> I never thought that my love would leave me,  
> Until one morning when he came in.  
> He drew up a chair and sat down beside me,  
> And then my sorrows they did begin. 
> 
> Chorus:  
> O love it is pleasing, and love is teasing,  
> And love is a treasure when first it's new.  
> But when it grows older it waxes colder,  
> And fades away like the morning dew. 
> 
> O turn you round, love, your wheel of fortune,  
> Turn you around, love, and smile on me.  
> For surely there'll be a place of torment  
> For this young man who deceived me. 
> 
> Chorus:  
> O love it is pleasing, and love is teasing,  
> And love is a treasure when first it's new.  
> But when it grows older it waxes colder,  
> And fades away like the morning dew. 
> 
> So girls beware of your false true lovers,  
> Never mind what a young man say.  
> He's like a star on a foggy morning,  
> You think he's near, and he's far away. 
> 
> Chorus:  
> O love it is pleasing, and love is teasing,  
> And love is a treasure when first it's new.  
> But when it grows older it waxes colder,  
> And fades away like the morning dew.


End file.
